Key Ingredients: Exhaustion, stress, a moment of downtime, a song, and a phone.
Women have a funny way of discussing meltdowns with other women, we couldn’t be more sarcastic: “Oh yeah, ya know, I had a full on meltdown last night, casual.” To which your female counterpart responds,”Oh my god, I know, I had one two days ago. So ridiculous.” Insert a shrug or a giggle and you’ve got the scene in front of you. We downplay it to each other, I believe partly because we know we can be a bit dramatic, but also because it’s hard to fathom just how real the emotions feel. When having a discussion and the sarcastic, “I had a meltdown” line is thrown out there, the woman you are talking to immediately knows, FOR SURE, that the topic is of great concern. It’s a heavy topic, if you will. We can joke about it but if anyone were to mock or invalidate the meltdown in any way, shape, or form…well, I hope you have your death wish prepared.
Anyway, there are varying degrees and stages of the meltdown. Sometimes, regardless of the context, maybe it’s about plates (I don’t know!), there is a larger issue at play. Other times the meltdown is about nothing more than extreme fatigue. And then there are those meltdowns that start about one thing, but then the meltdown ball gets rolling, and it ends up being about something completely different!
Por ejemplo, I had a meltdown in the car, by myself, on my way up to New Jersey for the birth of my niece on August 20th. I had a stressful couple of days. I went to dinner for B.Ryan’s birthday and learned that one friend is moving to San Francisco to start a company (jealous) and that another goes through some of the same relationship struggles as I do (bonded). I had that night on the brain and kept running through the conversations (the other ins, outs, hows, and whys are for another time – point is, I had a lot on my mind). I also wasn’t sure until the day of that my company would let me leave early to be there for the birth. I packed a bag that morning, just in case, but was very tense all morning until I got the go ahead to head out. By the time I got in the car, my sister had already been at the hospital for hours and I was worried I wouldn’t make it in time. At this point, please do yourself a favor and listen to Taylor Swift’s song called “Out of the Woods” as the meltdown is tied to this song:
Ohh ohh ohhh ohhh looking at it now / I want to be on stage / I have to do more work on my blog / it all seemed so simple / write more, get more followers / we were lying on your couch, I remember / GUILT, am I lazy, this blog will never go anywhere if I don’t commit to it / you took a polaroid of us, then discovered (then discovered) / can I help her? we deal with the same struggles, I can help her but I know I won’t, more guilt / the rest of the world was black and white, but we were in screaming color / he doesn’t get what I’m trying to do, he’s not here, I wish he was here / and I remember thinking /
All dis X2 Are we out of the woods yet? Are we out of the woods yet? Are we out of the woods yet? Are we out of the woods? Are we in the clear yet? Are we in the clear yet? Are we in the clear yet? In the clear yet? Good.
Are we out of the woods?
I can’t stop crying, laughing, singing, good god get it together / Looking at it now, last December (last December) / I have to plan a wedding, when, how, vacation days, money / we were built to fall apart, then fall back together (back together) / dinner with my future in-laws, went well, build on it, pressure, make it count / your necklace hanging from my neck, the night we couldn’t quite forget, when we decided (we decided) / Iliza’s podcast was disappointing, wah / to move the furniture so we could dance, baby, like we stood a chance / Sammi Sweetheart has a podcast, for what? I have what she has, why not me? / two paper airplanes flying, flying, flying AND I REMEMBER THINKING!
All dis X2 Are we out of the woods yet? Are we out of the woods yet? Are we out of the woods yet? Are we out of the woods? Are we in the clear yet? Are we in the clear yet? Are we in the clear yet? In the clear yet? GOOD.
Are we out of the woods?!?
I’m in New Jersey, I want to live here, I want to see Lauren, I just want to dance and be at a club with her / Remember when you hit the brakes too soon? Twenty stitches in the hospital room, When you started cryin’, baby, I did, too. But when the sun came up, I was lookin’ at you / How’s Sammy? I should call her. Gabs. Tanya. Friends. I miss them / Remember when we couldn’t take the heat, I walked out and said, “I’m settin’ you free,” / conversation with feyonce about John John, unconditional love of this group, never find that anywhere else / But the monsters turned out to be just trees and when the sun came up, you were lookin’ at me….you were lookin’ at meEeh, hoOo you were lookin’ at me / she’s in labor, I’m going to miss it, I was so close, I can’t believe this, eff this / I remember, OH I REMEMBER, Are we out of the woods yet? Are we out of the woods yet? Are we out of the woods yet? Are we out of the woods? / oh my lord, Sass, LOCK. IT.UP. /Are we in the clear yet? Are we in the clear yet? Are we in the clear yet? In the clear yet? GOOD!
SoOo yeEaHhh, it went something like that. If you’re picturing Ashley I on Bachelor in Paradise laugh/crying at herself, you’re not wrong. But, in case you were wondering, I ended up making it in time for the birth of baby Isabella and completely fell in love with her. I’ve spent every free moment since then either driving to NJ to see her, planning how I’m going to get to NJ to see her, or being in NJ to see her. I also got promoted during this time and have spent many days adjusting to the new role. So with the trips up North, a new job, a coworker and friend moving to London, more babies, dinners, football, and a feyonce, my social and professional calendars have been full. I put Sass on the back burner. The meltdown kickstarted this madness of emotions and whirlwind of events and I shut down.