Ze earlobes are fat.

Ze Problem: I’m not disgusting but I’m not thrilled either. For the better part of this year, I have coasted along at a certain weight – at times better than others – but mostly around this same weight and shape. I don’t let myself get disgusting, a fact to which I am grateful. However, it also means that I rarely get to that breaking point that ignites a change. When you are so disgusted by something in your life, you have to change it. I start to get back in a great routine of working out and eating better but the second the routine is rocked, say by a holiday, a weekend away, or sickness, I experience extreme difficulty getting back on the wagon. In the past year, there are only a small handful of days that I can say that I was happier than the rest with how my body looked:

1. My birthday last January. I wasn’t thrilled but like I said, I was happier than most:


2. Trip to AC for Matt’s birthday in March:


3. Dad and Uncle Fred’s 65th Birthday Party in Florida (May):


Lauren’s Birthday in September:

IMG_2233 - Version 2

That’s pretty much it for the year. Pretty sad, I know.

Ze Game Changer: I missed the big Masini Sweet 16 mark to “get skinny.” This Sunday is Zinzi and I’ve missed the mark “to get skinny” again. The game changer arrived when I was on track to the Zinzi goal – working out, eating better, down some pounds, more toned, and then Thanksgiving hit. Sure I ate and drank a bit more than I usually would but the real problem was that I didn’t make the time to work out. I planned for it but the plan wasn’t executed. The excuses flowed – too busy, the DMV sucks, I’m hungover, I’m sick, Black Friday…yada yada…and now, even though disgust normally ignites change in me – RAGE is igniting the change. I used to look like this:


Just sayin’.

Ze Motivation: MEXICO!!! My amazing boyfriend is taking us to Mexico for my XMAS/BDAY gift and I am BEYOND EXCITED! So help me God, I will make that damn “get skinny” mark. I want new bathing suits, cute dresses, lame pictures on the beach. I want the ease, the peace of mind, and the freedom to wear whatever I want. I want to feel confident.

Ze Goal: I will post pictures on here but not the actual numbers. Besides, I hate scales. I’m doing this mainly on how I look and feel….and what jeans I’m wearing. I’m only keeping track of the pounds to an extent because I know it will help me stay on track and keep myself goal-oriented. When I reach 5 lbs down, I’m buying myself something. It has to be something specific so I can look forward to a real object as opposed to an abstract thing. When I figure out what it is in the next few days, I’ll write it down.

Ze Help: I think it’s important to note that I am already doing things on a regular basis that help with this process. I’m not starting from scratch. For example, I take a menagerie of vitamins and supplements every day. Fish oil, flaxseed oil, a women’s daily multi-vitamin, calcium, vitamin c, and vitamin e. I’ve also been known to pop a few fiber gummies on the reg. Why take these specifically? I have no idea – it’s what I have in the cabinet. Although I have read that the two oil based supplements help with weight loss efforts. In addition to this impressive laundry list of supplements, I drink freshly pressed juice. I have a Breville Juicer that makes excellent juice from fruits and veggies. On a daily basis, I have at least two 20 oz containers. One for breakfast and one with my lunch, or some days it is my lunch. I drink a lot of water and I enjoy it. Yeah, Ima water drinker. I enjoy exercising…when I’m in a good groove. I get my nails done. I go tanning more often than I used to. I wear cute work out clothes. These last three are considered “help” because I’ve learned that I’m more motivated to get the bod looking hot if I feel put together in other areas pertaining to my looks.

Ze Picture: Here comes maybe one of the most embarrassing moments of my blogging career. I took this on Friday, December 6th.

Week 1



Ze Plan: On Wednesday, I started a bit of an altered juice cleanse, if you will. I made enough juice to have it 4 times a day, instead of two. 20 oz for breakfast. 20 oz for lunch and a small amount of protein (palm sized portion of grilled chicken breast). 20 oz for an afternoon snack aka to get me through the work day. And another 20 oz for dinner along with some cooked veggies and beans. And I can’t lie, I have a Weight Watchers ice cream bar for a tv-watching snack. This is my diet for 4 days – anyone can do 4 days. On Sunday, however, I must and I will eat for I will be partaking in some 21+ activities at ZE ZINZI BALL! Woot! I’ll keep you posted on ze plan each week.

Ze Juice: For those who are interested, like I said, I use a Breville Juice Fountain Plus, 850 Watt, 2 Speed Juicer Extractor (that’s what it says on the box) but I call it the happy juice maker (LOL). When I’m on a juice heavy diet for a few days, I have more energy than I know what to do with. I start by using a squeezer to squeeze 4-6 lemons and 4-6 limes into the jug. I read that Jen Aniston starts her day with a tall glass of straight lemon juice, therefore, I will obviously use a lot of lemon in my juice. Then for this batch, I used the same amount of produce I would normally use for a good week of juicing at two times a day. This batch will get me through from Wednesday – end of day Thursday having it 4 times a day. Anyway, I used two containers of strawberries, an orange bell pepper, 4 large oranges, 5 granny smith apples, 3 cucumbers, two spinach bundles, 2 zucchini squashes, a large celery stalk, a large bag of carrots. I spent about $45 at a normal grocery store for this. It is expensive but when I compare it to $10-$12 a day for lunch if I were to buy it, I feel better about it. For the Jersey peeps, LuLu goes to a indoor farmer’s market on Route 10 which is way more affordable – we got enough fruits and veggies for the TWO of us to make juice for a week for $38. I’m not going to go into the entire juicing process, unless I get any feedback that someone wants it but washing and cutting up the produce, making the juice, and cleaning it up takes about 35-40 minutes once you get the hang of it.

Ze Commitment: You, the Internet, will keep on committed. You will keep me accountable. Please harass me if you see that I skip a week of posting…but of course, please don’t be a b!tch about it. Or mean. Being mean is just F-UGLY.

Sassarella Says…this is all just one big excuse to post a bunch of selfies #selfaaaaay #selfienation #shamelessselfie #hotstuff #skinnybitch #peace

About sasssays

The trials, the tribulations, and the triumphs of a sassy and sophisticated 20 something girl
This entry was posted in detox, it's a girl thang, life as I know it, the pursuit of happiness and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Ze earlobes are fat.

  1. Mom-Mom says:

    You Will Do it ! and this is so….

  2. TanyaBoBanya says:

    I love you. You go girl!!! So proud of you! You look amazeaballssss.

  3. Pingback: The Hotness Scale. | sassarella says

  4. Pingback: The Top 5 New Year’s Resolutions | sassarella says

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