There’s no way to know what ev-er-y single woman out there wants but there is a way to know what at least a portion of them want. How, you ask? Know one who blogs about it and safely assume that she speaks for a large group of twenty-something females in relationships.
This post was inspired by a late-night jam session in my apartment while cleaning. Yes, it’s true, women really do this: I was sipping red wine, playing music, switching over the laundry in between washing dishes, cleaning the floors, and fluffing the pillows. Ugh, so domesticated. Anyway, while in the folding of laundry phase, I was hit with a few classics in a row: Whitney, T.Swift, Journey, and Xtina (all of which I sang in my best, I have a fake audience, singing voice) and even though I preferred to experience this moment on my own, I had the thought that I wished my boyfriend could see me now. I do my best organizing alone but at the same time I want him to be able to see me in action. I want him to see me so he feels proud and feels like I take care of him and our home. I’m not the most nurturing person, at least I don’t see myself that way, but since moving in together I do feel like I keep the place put together. I want him to know and see that, if he doesn’t already.
I want to feel needed but not taken advantage of. I want him to feel like our home would go to shits without me but I don’t want to feel like I’m doing it alone. I’m happy to assume a lot of the responsibilities but I want to know that it’s because I’m taking care of him and not because I don’t have a choice. I want to feel secure in that if we had a yard and a garage full of tools that he would take on those man roles in the house.
I want him to exist in a world where he feels like I can do it all. When a problem arises, I want him to have the confidence that I can take care of anything. I don’t want to face every challenge on my own but I want him to know, without a doubt, that I could if I had to and that I am capable. I set myself up sometimes for the opposite because my self-depricating thoughts are often broadcast on this site here. Prior to writing a blog, the man that I’m with wouldn’t know as often how much I feel like a hot mess. I might express it in conversation every now and then but it wouldn’t be out here in the world for him to read over and over again. Even still, athough I feel like a hot mess sometimes, I don’t want him to see me that way.
I want to be respected. It’s important to me that I keep a clean house and an organized home life because I think I’m really starting to understand that when I have no control, I am lost and crazy (another example of how I don’t want him to think of me even though I just wrote it here). To be truthful, I’ve always known this about myself but I used to reclaim my life by changing it drastically so I guess now I’m learning that it’s about baby steps. Small changes every day that become habits are easier to maintain than altering everything at once. I can start by keeping my place neat. I’m exercising 3 times a week instead of trying to do it every single day…you see where I’m going with this. That being said, I want him to respect that little details are important to me. When he puts the laundry away after I’ve washed it, dried it, sorted it, and folded it, I’m abnormally happy. Respect my need for stability, even in the small details.
I want him to make me feel like I’m the only one who makes him feel better when he’s having a bad day. I want to feel wanted. I’m not a movie star, but to him, I want to feel that way. I want him to teach me things. I want to be a team. I want to present this united front to the world that says, “don’t fuck with us because you will lose.” I want to be on a pedestal in his eyes.
I think it’s important for women to realize that we can want all of these things but in order to get them, we have to do our part too. If I want to be on a pedestal, I have to appreciate the pedestal. If I want him to put his laundry away, I have to put mine away too. If I want him to think of me as Super Woman, I have to show him that I am. I have to think and act like a g.d. lady boss.
I also know that it’s important to note here that I struggle with my blog writing these days and have ever since this relationship got serious. It was easy to write about the dates and the guys that I would never see again but it’s very personal now. There’s a fine line between writing about my life and what I’m feeling versus airing out our business, which isn’t just my business to share anymore. That being said, I find myself adding in paragraphs to posts that further clarify my thoughts so that I make my point without really cutting too deeply into our specific dynamic. And even though I believe it often takes a little something away from my point, I’m not willing to start a war in my home over a blog post. SO, I need to say that he is a good man and the previously mentioned wants and needs are often met but the ones that we struggle with are his and mine to know about.
My moment folding laundry last night and this post today help me express what I need and even though I don’t write it – I need it be known that it also made me think about what he may want and need.
Sassarella Says, I think the bottom line is that relationships are a lot things but one biggie is finding the balance between satisfying each other’s wants and needs without losing ourselves in the process. It takes time to figure out if and how well two people can make that happen. We’re figuring it out as we go and I know that he’s worth the time and effort. Can you say the same?