Back around July 13th, I had the thought that I’m twenty four and a half. I laughed as I thought about how I’m twenty four and a half. I remember it was about 7:45am, I was walking towards the elevator of my grown up fancy apartment that I share with my mid-thirty year old boyfriend, on my way to my corporate job in a black suit and heels. The picture looks like I’m a grown up but there I was thinking about how on that day I turned twenty four and a half. I continued to ponder and examine for a minute what my life looked like at twenty four and a half, however, the thought quickly passed as I got into my car and started my busy day. Thankfully, that’s why I have a blog.
So at 24.5, I feel like quite the hot mess. I’m still struggling with all of the same questions that I was a year ago: is this the guy for the rest of my life, is this the type of job I want, is this where I want to live, I should work out more, I should eat better, and why have I stopped writing. Good, great, grand – a year later and I’m still right HERE. I guess I’m closer to figuring those things out but just give me some time and I’ll change my mind all over again.
Anyway, I find myself craving adult things. I spent a few days with my sister and her apartment is amazing. Of course the view and the location, etc etc, but what I noticed more was that it is a home. There are decorations, pictures, furniture, kitchen appliances, and a coffee maker. When I got back to DC, I tore my kitchen apart, rearranged, and organized it so that it was more efficient. I moved the cases upon cases of vodka from the counter tops to the cabinets, put the Keurig next to the Splenda and K-Cup holders, and vowed to keep it as clean as possible. On my “To Do” list I’ve had, “buy a napkin holder” on there since I got home. I even bought a pill organizer just because she has one. We got our nails done that weekend and I was reminded of how much I enjoy that. Since then I’ve had my nails did, fingers AND toes, again! These are weird little things that I want. I want stability and organization but my brain and my heart seem to be getting in the way of that lately.
You’ll notice, if you’ve read my blog from the beginning, that whenever I take a long (or brief) hiatus, I always come back with a post about how I’m reclaiming my life, grabbing it by the throat, and telling it who is the damn boss around here! It lasts for a little while and then I trail off again. Welp, this time it’s no different. That pill sorter I bought – yeah, I filled it with vitamins to take every day because my skin is better and extra vitamins never hurt no body. I’ve been making juice consistently for a week now and I’ve been to the gym going on 5 days this week. I feel better. I feel like I have some control and since I can’t control any of those issues that are on-going for the last year, this little bit of control is helping. However, I still drink the wine. I drink the wine to keep calm…and happy…and sane.
Sassarella Says…at twenty four and a half, I can’t control much but what I can control (the vitamins, the juice, the sweating, the writing, and the wine) is what I need to focus on and the rest will fall into place.