“Is it them or is it us?” I whispered to my boyfriend while seated at a table of four other couples. I couldn’t help but notice that we were visably the only pair who was touching each other almost the entire time. Gross, C, really? But not in a dirty way but rather in a, I’m completely aware of who is sitting beside me kind of way. Throughout the meal, either he had a hand on my knee, I had a hand on his arm, or we were leaning over for the occasional peck on the lips. Reading what I just typed makes me want to smack myself, “You can’t even sit and eat without PDA?” Seriously? Unfortunately, anyone who has spent time with us as a couple knows that PDA was once an issue. My boyfriend blames it on that fact that he is Hispanic and it’s simply part of his culture to be touchy-feely and lovey-dovey, but at one time we did need to have a sit down about what is appropriate and what is not. Fortunately, I think those same people are pleasantly surprised by how quickly we snapped into action to make everyone feel more comfortable without losing our ability to show our attraction to each other in public.
However, this leads me to my question, “is it them or is it us?” Are we the minority when it comes to this behavior? I’ve always known my parents to be very affectionate towards each other. As a kid I hoped for less of it but I know that they have a great marriage and there is not a doubt in my mind about why; they show their affection for each other constantly. Not that it is the only factor but in order for any relationship to make it long term, a constant needs to be an intense attraction to each other. Sometimes (and by sometimes I mean always) when my man is walking behind me he grabs my ass and when I push his hand away or protest in embarrassment, he’ll say, “One day I’ll stop doing that and you’re gonna be all, ‘remember when you used to grab my ass? Why don’t you do that anymore?'” And he’s right. So what is so wrong with that? Why is it that at a table of four other couples did I not see routine affection from them? Not even a side hug.
Although now that I’m thinking about it, I guess there could have been some knee touching or some hand holding going on under the table but not in the way that we were. We’re never shy about it. Actually to be honest, he’s never shy about it. Sometimes he mocks me because he’ll lean in for the 20th kiss in a 20 minute period of time and I groan or hesitantly kiss him back. He’ll say, “Ohhhhh I know, it’s just horrible that he wants to kiss me all the time. Why does he love me so much? It’s terribleeee.” He attempts his best mocking me tone and it’s getting better with time but it does make me wonder. Why is it so terrible? It’s not. Which leads me to ask yet again, “is it them or is it us?” Is there more affection going on than I’m aware of and I’m simply more aware of our affections because we were called out on them? I’m just not sure. What I do know is this: all couples are different and can operate successfully in different dynamics, a strong attraction is vital, and if I’m 75 years old and whoever my guy is still wants to grab my old, flat ass then we must be doing something right.
Sassarella says…I think it’s them. Or maybe it’s us.