I’m A Little Weird Without You Here.

There is a Swedish proverb that reads, “love me when I least deserve it because that is when I need it the most.” I sometimes reflect on this proverb as I can be, let’s say, challenging to deal with on certain days. I’m up, I’m down, I’m hot, I’m cold…you get the point. Thankfully, I think most people, not just women, could describe themselves as challenging but in the last few days I’m learning something new about myself in that regard. How very 7th Heaven of me, right? Anyway, I’m learning, yet again, that I’m not quite as grown up as I thought. I’m realizing that as many times as he can say, “This is new for me, I’ve never felt this way about someone so tell me how all of this is supposed to go” that I’m in the same boat. Certain situations of a relationship are situations that he will know how to navigate through better than I will and that irritates me. I’m not used to having to learn things through the help of another fehh! I’ll learn it on my own, thank you very much. I’m not used to interacting on a daily basis with someone who in some ways, not all, is more mature than I am. I’ve got how to handle the immature brats down pat! But specifically speaking to my current situation, I now know what he’s known all along….to truly appreciate the time we spend together. Seems simple right? When I’m crabby, tired, and things aren’t going my way, I tend to act like a stubborn 5 year old, except a lot more bitchy but he always remains calm. He puts up with it, for God knows what reason but he does and I’m thankful.

He is away for a few days, in a place with limited communication and I miss him. The first day he was gone, I walked past places and did things that we might go to and do together. All of a sudden it felt like we had broken up, which felt awful. Obviously we are not broken up and I backed my way off the ledge a few seconds later but it made me realize how much more I need to appreciate the time we spend together. Trust me, we take advantage of the fact that we live in the same city, have similar work schedules, and can see each other probably more often than we should but do I really appreciate it? Maybe not always. There may be times when I take it for granted.

I’m not promising that I won’t ever be crabby, tired, or bitchy in his presence because when two people spend as much time together as we do, it’s bound to happen. However I am promising to be more aware of it. The honeymoon phase is still looming, and these instances of bitchiness are not as frequent as it might appear through this post but when thinking about the ratio, I’m certainly in the lead.

This all got me thinking about the concepts of appreciation and taking advantage. It sits well in the bar industry as well. When it’s busy, we are all happy to work because the rush is exhilarating and you know you’re making bank. However when the night starts slow and remains pretty slow, instead of appreciating the few customers who do come in, you want to punch them. When it’s slow, it makes you not want to do anything at all so we take for granted the small number of customers we actually have.

In terms of those standing on the other side of the bar, the thing I hate the most to hear from people is, “Can I get a discount?” or “If you charge me less, I’ll tip you more….” People please, I know how it works. I have a love/hate relationship with the crowd that comes into the bar. I know a lot of them, I used to have friends just like them, and simply put, we are dependent on them for business…hence, the love. But holy hell, the hatred. The hatred that they can be so ignorant is beyond me. They take for granted the environment we set up for them that is safe and fun. They take advantage of the breaks we all sometimes cut for them and few of them genuinely appreciate the service we provide them.

Speaking of Georgetown (oops, I guess the cat is outta the bag), I share the same sentiment about my time at Georgetown U. As a student, you take advantage of the hours you have to BS with your friends on the stoop of Saxby’s, of how prestigious your education really is, and of the ease of having your gym, laundry room, cafeteria, library, and bar within a 5 minute walk from where you live. You take advantage of the quiet time in the library, of the fact that you don’t have a single thing to do on Fridays and that Senior Week is hands down the most surreal week of your life thus far. It’s only after I have left school that I can appreciate all of those times and more. I look out at the crowd on a Friday night knowing that they really don’t appreciate just how good they have it right now.

Sassarella Says…it’s gotta be a maturity thing, as most things I write about are. Acting like a brat is selfish behavior which helps me understand why in those moments I, and the others I just wrote about, have a hard time seeing the bigger picture. I am in my own selfish and bratty world, not realizing that HELLO! Sassarella, you’re taking advantage of the first good one to come along because you know he isn’t going anywhere. How immature is that?! I’m honestly a little embarrassed to even write it because I get it now; the grown up thing to do is to appreciate and not take the good one, the bartenders, the college experience, or whatever person, place, or thing relates to you for granted. UHH DUHH.

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About sasssays

The trials, the tribulations, and the triumphs of a sassy and sophisticated 20 something girl
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