As you may or may not have noticed, I did not write a post about new year’s resolutions. I think calling anything a new year’s resolution is automatically setting yourself up to fail because what do almost all new year’s resolutions have in common? Failure. Sure, you go to the gym for a few weeks, stop smoking cigarettes for a few hours, or quit biting your nails for a whole day but eventually most of us go back to our usual habits. Hey, if you are one of the few who can set a resolution and stick to it then by all means, disregard everything I just said. However, I have never been one of those people. So instead of writing a post about my “non-new year’s resolutions”, I want to look more at what I learned in 2011. It was a fast and crazy year, 2011, and I learned a whole lot.
For starters, I learned what a sea grape is and that damnyouautocorrect.com might be the funniest website ever created. I learned that a material purchase can bring me happiness and a certain level of confidence as I enter a room (hi, Little Louis), and that I really like Johnnie Walker.
Love: I learned a lot in this department this year. Painfully, I learned throughout the first half of the year that the man I thought I could marry is not the man I thought he was at all. Isn’t that ridiculous? I felt so strongly for him for so long, to the point that I really envisioned a life with him, only to find out just how wrong I was about him and our relationship. C’est la vie.
I learned that all of the reasons I listed in the “Sassarella, I love you BUT…” post are all lame excuses for “I’m just not that into you.” Unfortunately I learned this because I have used some of these excuses in the past year to let some really wonderful guys down who I just wasn’t into enough to make it work. I still haven’t figured out what’s worse: the lame excuses that might not hurt as badly but make things really confusing or being awfully blunt and just coming out with it, “I’m just not that into you.”
I learned that dating is a game and that guys will do things (or won’t do things) for no reason at all.
I learned that love can look really good on paper. All of the technical pieces can make sense but that there has to be the spark. There has to be more than what’s on paper because if love were simply up to a checklist, then wouldn’t we all have it by now? If that were the case, divorces wouldn’t exist, no?
I learned that when a person shows you who they are, believe them the first time. I spent a lot of time this past year giving guys another chance or going back to a situation that didn’t work in the past hoping it would change. It never did. I’ve always known the importance of trusting my gut instinct but I’m learning how to actually act upon whatever the gut instinct is. For example, no matter how bored or lonely I am, it’s not worth the hassle or the heartache staying in a relationship that my gut is telling me to get out of. I also learned how dead on balls accurate my gut instinct is because when I felt like something wasn’t right, 9 times out of 10, I wasn’t being paranoid and something was in fact wrong.
I learned that I’m pretty awful at letting go. However, I also know that I’m level-headed enough to realize that in order to move on, “you have to know what it is exactly that you’re moving on from,” (Sassarella, March 25, 2011). It’s pointless to try and move on from something if you haven’t figured out what you were committed to in the first place. Was it really him or was it the idea of him? Was it really him or was it the dinners he took me on? Thankfully, but painfully, I learned that for the first time in awhile it really was him. That being said, I learned that there is no greater relief than when I’m really and truly over him. All of the him’s.
I learned that it’s okay to be a little guarded and to open up only to those who open up to you. I learned that love finds you when you are happy on your own. It’s not up to another person to save or to complete you but rather to compliment you.
Ambition: I learned that the ambition I was once had towards the end of my senior year was a fake ambition. It was a need to say I’m doing something in order to keep up with my friends and to satisfy myself and my parents. The truth is though, I really had no idea what I wanted to do and still don’t. However, I also learned this year to really live by my own secret motto, “things just seem to work out for me.”
I learned that it’s pretty awesome living on my own and that I’m much happier in my own routine. Partly because it’s way more motivating to get up out of bed every day when I don’t feel the pressure of someone expecting me to get out of bed. Does that make sense? Also due to the fact that I eat much healthier, stay more active, and therefore stay much thinner which also makes me very happy.
I learned that I want a television show on Bravo.
Life: I learned that being a 20-something can be awesome and awful at the same time. This past year, I’ve had my highest highs and my lowest lows mainly because things change at the drop of a hat. A Saturday night out can make you feel like a million bucks but the following day “so and so” doesn’t call and your life is over. The idea that my life can go in any direction I choose is exhilarating and positively daunting. Can’t someone just tell me where my life will go and how to get there? I want to be fabulous right now, I don’t want to wait. And yet, I do little about it because I’m too busy having fun. It’s quite effed up. With all of that being said, as grown up as I can feel at times, I’ve learned that I have a sh!t ton of growing up to do.
I learned that I’m indecisive about the little things, like what to eat. I learned that I can write pretty well and that I enjoy doing so. I learned that I can be funny when I want to be, and better yet, sometimes when I’m not even trying to be. I learned that as much as I wanted to graduate that I have a sincere and deep pride in my school, Georgetown University. Through my Soulful Striver experience, the feedback I’ve received since graduation, and the casual walks around campus during graduation weekend it really hit me how special it is to have attended GU.
I learned that friends come into your life for many reasons. I learned how lucky I am to have someone like Brittany in DC to get me out of the house, to laugh with, and to be there for me. I didn’t realize how much of a difference it would make moving here having a good buddy to do things with. I learned that old friends can always pick up where they leave off. Although I only see someone like Jackie every now and then, anytime I see her it’s like we never left each other. I learned that you can have friends who you connect with on different levels. Tanya and I got close this summer because we have a reasonable and similar outlook on life, as well as the constant need to chat over a bottle of wine and then dance like crazy. I learned that friends like Hillary, Gabbie, and Meghan are ones that I may not talk to all the time but I can still feel the love. I learned that Sammy and I are growing closer as women, instead of as childhood biddies. And finally, I learned that for real, Lauren is my main squeeze. It hit me one day after talking to two different friends separately, that I censored myself with each of them about different topics. I never censor myself with Lauren because the trust is indefinitely strong and loyal. We are always on the same page and she knows everything there is to know. In the coming years, I hope she can do the same. Basically, I’m lucky to have this group of gals.
I learned that Zack Ryder is really hot, that Dad has cooler sneakers than I do, that I really really really enjoy golf tournaments, that the iPhone is my favorite thing in the whole world, and that “We Found Love” by Rihanna will never stop being amazing.
I learned that California is a state that I hope to live in someday. I tend to think a lot about that fact come January and February because it’s incredible how much my mood is affected by cold weather. I learned that my family out there rocks. I learned that Zinzi the second time around is infinitely more amazing than the first time, that hot yoga does the body wonders, and that belting out “Mean” by Taylor Swift might be the most fun a girl (and ohhh my god a guy, ehem) can have.