"Honey, you can’t hide your lyin’ eyes" – Lyin’ Eyes by The Eagles

Here are some lies that I’m used to (and often pretty sick of) telling…

I’m lying if you ever hear me say, “I really like working out.” That is a complete lie with the exception of days that I go to Zumba with Allison J or on a Monday. Zumba…well, that’s nuff said. And I enjoy Monday workouts because I feel like I’m getting rid of the booze from the weekend and since I most likely haven’t exercised for two days, I’m totally rested and prepped for it. However, I don’t really like working out but what I do like is the feeling I get when the work out is over. “Ya always feel better when it’s done” is the theory that gets me through most days. I also like the clothes I get to wear, the people I get to see, and the magical ability the process has of clearing my head and distracting me for a few hours. All of those aspects are great, however, the idea that I really like to work out is a lie.

If you hear me say, “I’m not surprised…” I’m probably lying. Remember when I said that my life is composed of consecutive instances of “that would happen to you?” Well that implies that things, especially in the instances of men (ahem Roller Coaster, Butthead Friend, etc) will go a certain way. They often leave me saying, “He did (blank) again…I’m not surprised…” but the truth is that I’m always a little surprised. I want to expect and hope for the best in people which is why I continue to “hit myself with a g.d. hammer.” It still shocks me a little bit when I go on a few amazing dates with a guy and then he suddenly just stops calling. I’m left saying, “I’m not surprised…” but I’m lying because it still stings a little each time that I’m let down.

I’d be lying if I said that I don’t feel a little insecure around men when I’m with her. She is gorgeous and everyone in the room knows it. Whether she’s at the bar, at the gym, or in a parking lot, she is turning heads. It’s hard not to feel a little inadequate. I don’t think I’m an ugly duckling or anything but if I said that I feel completely confident in my looks when I’m around her, well, I’d be lying.

Unless I really don’t know, I’m lying when I say, “I don’t know.” I either don’t care or I’m not ready to tell you what I know, how I know it, and why I know it.

When a gentleman waiting to be seated at (insert any name of a restaurant I’ve worked at in the last four years), with a party of 6+ people is standing at my hostess stand, hovering and trying to be seated as fast as humanly possible, snaps at me…I’m lying when I pleasantly say, “I appreciate your patience, sir, I’m doing everything I possibly can to seat you and I apologize for the wait.” While it’s true that I’m trying to seat him as quickly as possible (mainly to get him out of my face), my sweet tone and my apology are complete lies.

“I mean, whatever, it’s fine…” is always a lie. Come on, who ever says that and means it? What it really means is I’m tired of arguing about it or there’s nothing more I can do about it so saying, “it’s fine” is obviously a lie indicating that I give up.

Whenever someone, myself included, says, “I don’t care what people think about me…” they (and I) am lying. I always care what people think about me, it’s just the degree to which I care that is different than others. If I cared a whole lot then I wouldn’t share half of what I share on this blog. However, I care if people find me entertaining, I care if people like me and my stories, I care if someone judges me prematurely….I mean, don’t we all? I care that an employer finds me to be qualified, hard-working, and reliable (someone hire me, please) and I care when someone notices that I’ve lost a few lbs. Sure, if it’s a stranger or someone I don’t like then I don’t give a sh!t but the general consensus is that we all want to be liked for who we are. We care and anyone who says, “I don’t at all care what people think of me” is lying.

Sometimes I’m lying when I say, “I’m not that kind of girl.” I’m not the kind of girl who gets attached. I’m not the kind of girl who gets her hopes up. I’m not the kind of girl who could ever tolerate being treated disrespectfully. I’m not the kind of girl who does a certain something even though I know I shouldn’t. I’m not the kind of girl who trusts too easily. I’m not the kind of girl who would sometimes rather spend time with him than with her family or friends. I’m not the kind of girl who plays a game here or there. On occasion, these are all lies

“I know what’s gonna happen if/when (blank) happens or if/when he (or she) does (blank)…” is a lie. I really have no idea. Ever notice when someone says something like that and then the prophecy comes true that person always says, “I KNEW IT!!!!!!!”…? Ever notice how aggressive and determined the “I KNEW it” is? It’s because we really have no idea so it’s super exciting and an epic accomplishment that we all want everyone to know that we achieved.

If you ever hear me say, “life is not about money” than I’m probably lying. OF COURSE IT’S ABOUT THE MONEY. I was raised in a society and in a generation that defines our entire existence based on what and how much of something we have. Sure, sure, at the end of the day if Heaven forbid the world was really ending then family, friends, love, happiness, honesty, loyalty, etc are all of the vitals in life. HOWEVER, can people stop pretending that we don’t get up and go to work every day so that we can pay for our kids to go to expensive colleges, so that we can buy a car, and go out to dinner on a Saturday night? If I had to choose between things like love and family or money…yes, love and family !YOU WIN! but if I had to choose between affording a vacation to Hershey Park and a vacation to St. Barts….like really? SB, you win, hands down.

Why lie when you can just tell the truth? Well, because if I didn’t say “I like working out” then I’d get really fat. If I didn’t say “I’m not surprised” than I’d sound like a humungous idiot. If I didn’t lie about my insecurities than they’d be worse than they already are and it would be very hard to love her (which I really really do). If I didn’t lie to the gentleman at the restaurant, I’d get fired. If I didn’t lie and say, “I mean, whatever, it’s fine” I’d probably be in ongoing arguments with just about everyone I know at one time or another. If I said, “I really care what people think of me” instead of saying “I don’t care what people think of me” I probably wouldn’t write this blog and I’d probably be in a lot of therapy right now. If I were in a happy, committed, and loving relationship than I could stop lying about “not being that kind of girl” because none of it would matter. If I didn’t lie and say, “I know what’s gonna happen…” I would make way more mistakes than I already do and I would have one less defense mechanism.

Sassarella Says…sometimes a little lie goes a long way.

About sasssays

The trials, the tribulations, and the triumphs of a sassy and sophisticated 20 something girl
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