Women often refer to their bags as black holes and this week Little Louis was certainly teetering on black hole status. He was almost getting too heavy to carry! Normally dumping him out on the floor wouldn’t be so exciting (I’m an extremely organized person) however yesterday was quite a different story. Now, I’m no LAM aka I didn’t find an open bottle of Diet Coke or an assortment of jelly beans and peanut butter M&Ms but it was still insane none-the-less…
So first I found my new wallet. It’s so chic and pretty even though it only cost about $8. It coordinates very nicely with Little Louis. Inside my wallet I found the basics: credit cards, cash, ID, gas card, Starbucks gift card, etc. Nothing too exciting until I opened up the side pocket and found the business cards I’ve collected and obliviously transferred from the old wallet to the new one. “Junie & Johnnie Taxi Service of Morristown, NJ,” “Frederick P. Stahman, Glen Rock Chief of Police” (I think I met him at a bar over a year ago), “People’s Taxi” (never leave home without that one, Canada eh?), “David Gsell, Owner of Sona Thirteen“(oh hot dayum), and a bunch of doctor’s numbers that I need to call (buzz kill).
Then I found my iPod aka my life. I lost an old iPod on an Amtrak train this fall and cried for 3 days straight. Even when I knew another one was in the mail and on its way to me (thank you, Mom-mom & Pop-pop), I was still devastated. I hated thinking that someone else had my precious baby, I felt violated. ANYWAY, in my iPod case is my gym membership card because apparently I’m now a gym rat…and I don’t hate it!
I also have my camera and camera cord in there. The camera I understand, obviously because I take it with me e-v-e-r-y-w-h-e-r-e hoping to catch every great Kodak (or in my case Samsung) moment, but the cord too? Like what am I gonna do, upload the pics at a traffic light or at the mall? Good one.
Claw clip and bra clip. The claw clip is always handy when I’m going topless in the car and the bra clip is in there just so I don’t lose it. It’s one of those little 2 inch contraptions that hold regular bra straps together to fit under racer back shirts, very important. And here’s what every guy just read, “Wat is sy praat? Ek is lief vir ‘n mens,” … or “What is she talking about? Thank god I’m a man” in Afrikaans (that’s a real language according to Google Translate!)
Shades. Black Ray Bans…classic Jersey.
A frog finger from Famished Frog. In no other situation is it kosher to take one unless you’re with small children or on a date. Small children, duh, and on a date it’s a cute little way to be girly and nerdy (or to stall and give yourself more time to decide in your head what you want to do next…..to go back to his place or not….hmmm). I will be disposing of this frog finger.
Caught up and tangled in all of this are two things: the iPod car adapter and a Jagermeister lanyard. I had to drop something off for my parents where the grass ain’t so green and felt it was best to put all valuables out of sight. Right, because if someone actually broke into my car, the thing I’m really worried about is the $30 iPod adapter….makes total sense. And the lanyard, well back in the Rhino days I wouldn’t even think twice about having liquor and beer paraphernalia in my purse but not no mo’. This came from the Parker House on Sunday where things escalated quickly…
A sandal. One of my favorite black sandals, actually. I took it get fixed at the shoemaker last week and picked it up yesterday. Naturally I left it in Little Louis instead of taking it out when I got home.
notebook Bible. I have a small-ish spiral notebook that a make notes in all day long. To-Do Lists, food diary (sometimes), lyrics of songs to download, and rough drafts or outlines of my blog posts. It is attached to me and I would be absolutely lost without it. In addition to the green notebook Bible, I have three black pens. I’m normally a blue Bic pen gal but I love love love hotel pens (and they are always black). On the first page of the “Green Bible” I used a black hotel pen so now I can only use black ink (just a tad OCD, whatever).
Five lip glosses, two lipsticks, and one chapstick. All 8 are necessary….kinda. I also have white nail polish and top coat because I casually did my nails in Lauren’s car on the way down the shore last weekend. Ya know, before the night at Bar A when Lauren mistakenly called her Dad at 1am. He texted her asking if she was ok, she responded: “I’m pj.” Damnyouautocorrect. An eyeshadow brush and the rest of my make-up bag.
A prescription from CVS. You don’t even know the struggle I went through to get this refill. I take something to keep my skin clear but there are two issues: 1) I’ve been on the meds for so long, which apparently isn’t good so the docs want to get me off of it and 2) you have to see the doctor within 6 months in order for the office to provide more refills over the phone. So over spring break I called the doc to give me more refills and I was denied. My phone call was passed around from receptionist to receptionist because I wasn’t taking no for an answer, “But please you don’t understand, I’m a senior and I’m writing a thesis and I just wanna have clear skin for senior week, graduation, the senior ball, you HAVE to, and I mean you HAVE to give me like one more, just one more refill, just to get me through the last couple of months of school…I really hate to be annoying but puhhhhleaseeee.” After all of that, the final receptionist realized that they were looking at the wrong date of my last appointment and gave me the okay, no problem. She asked me if I break out a little bit when I’m stressed…I told her over the course of that phone call two shiners popped up on my forehead! Two days ago I refilled the second permitted refill and I’m gearing up for another battle when it runs out. Also from CVS: an Extra Care Card coupon for fake eyelashes…yup, using that bad baby!
Orbit gum, Orbit gum wrappers, two hair ties, a receipt for Red Bull, and Advil.
“These are women, they got more strings than a g.d. baseball,” Tommy on Rescue Me explains. This statement may be very true, however, empty out a woman’s purse and you can tell a lot about her right off the bat. The organization of the purse’s content is the first clue. For example, my mom used to use a purse that was more of a wallet wrapped up in a little rectangular shape with a strap. I mean how anyone even dared to call this a purse is ridiculous and thank goodness she has moved away from this fashion statement BUT that’s my mom. No frills, no clutter, just what she needs right there, easy, quick, and accessible. So organization then content. In terms of what I keep in Little Louis, you know right away that I like music, I work out, I’m a bit girly (make-up, shoe, etc), but also that I’m practical (Advil, hair ties, pens). You know I like to have a good time (lanyard) but that I’m also a person who keeps track of her shizzz (my wallet is organized and I have phone numbers from over a year ago). Of course because of the Green Bible you know that I’m a Blogger, duh. And if you wanna get really personal, you could even know what type of medication I take!
For guys, I always find it interesting to notice whether he uses a wallet or he doesn’t. My dad and Butthead Friend (I could probably change his nickname now but ehh it’s more fun this way) both use g.d. rubber bands to keep track of dem dolla dolla bills. Other guys hoard movie ticket stubs and receipts in wallets like it’s going outta style. To each his own.
I couldn’t pick one – both are hysterical
David Spade, ’nuff said.