As you all know, I read a variety of blogs on a weekly basis. There is one that I find particularly interesting because it is written similarly to mine. The author is a young woman in her late twenties, living in a major US city, just expressing herself online about the ups and downs of her every day life. She is witty, honest, and all of that good stuff but to me, she is specifically entertaining because I know her boyfriend. Yes, really. What’s funny is that I got turned on to her blog through a friend of a friend and as I read the archived posts I figured out who her unnamed boyfriend is by complete coincidence. (I happen to be a world class stalker btw). Anyway, the point is that I liked and read her blog before I figured out that I know her bf. How I know him is an interesting tale and obviously has everything to do with why I find this aspect of her life particularly interesting.
He came into my life at a “I’m keeping everyone at arm’s length” phase. Looking back, thank God I did because I would’ve been in for a serious heartbreak if that wasn’t the case. I did not actually get to know him very well but after midnight, like clockwork, almost every weekend for a few months, we knew each other very well. He was clearly not the most stand-up guy but it was what it was and I knew it. However, I did not fully realize just how thankful I was to have kept him a safe distance away until I started to read her blog. According to her posts, she was dating him and started officially calling him her boyfriend in early November. Meanwhile, he and I spent plenty of late-night time together throughout October, November, and even into January. Yikes.
If I remember correctly, I started reading her blog in February, a month after I had last spoken to him or seen him. In March, he randomly texted me at 1am…I called him out for having a girlfriend and even spoke of her by name. I did not reveal how I knew of her but he was completely thrown off. I thankfully haven’t heard from him since that night. So not only had he cheated on her in the early stages of their relationship but now months into their “committed and loving relationship” as she referred to it as, he’s still looking for a side job. If I hadn’t started reading her blog and figured out who her boyfriend is, I still wouldn’t know he is in a relationship and could very well have hooked up with him again. I could have unknowingly helped him cheat on an innocent woman. Now that makes my skin crawl.
At this point I could care less about how much he sucks (which he totally does) but what pisses me off is that now reading her blog is quite frustrating. She frequently writes about him and their issues and all I can think is, if only she knew. If he would’ve cheated on her with me, you can take it to the bank that he’s found another chick to take my place and has cheated on her again. Regardless of the moral complications of this saga, I can hardly read her posts without thinking they are total crap. At first reading, I took her for an educated, sassy, and interesting woman but now I can only think of her as weak and insecure. She wraps up her posts about him by saying something like, “relationships take work” or she even will say that it’s her fault for being a certain way and that she has to work on changing. Meanwhile, THE GUY IS CHEATING ON HER! She’s even written a post about how she always falls for the same type of guy: the jerky, insensitive, pompous type who she can’t trust but is so happy to not be in the same situation with her boyfriend now. Woman, you’re in the same situation! Her blog is tainted and I can’t take her seriously.
This weekend I enjoyed another epic party weekend at the Jersey Shore. We ventured everywhere from Osprey to Bar A. Lauren fell down in the sand, Gabbie lost her voice, and the $3 Parker House drinks at 2pm turned into a Sunday Funday to remember. However, Saturday night at Bar A, I had a bit of a tiff with some guy, we’ll call him Steve. He heard that I had been on a few dates with someone this summer and he went nuts. Steve grew up with the guy I dated and Steve hates him. He had no good reason why but what angered me was the assumptions he then made about me based on the fact that I had a few dates with the kid. I really don’t care why Steve hates him but don’t get all up in my face thinking you know me based on him. Why is it that the people who know the least about us usually have the most to say? He knew me for ten minutes and was making judgements about me, my life, and my personality. Not cool.
However, here I am doing the same thing to this poor girl. I’ve never met her and I’ve now just written an entire post about her. I’ve never met her but I somehow think I know enough about her to judge her life. Welp, I might as well keep in line with the judging trend and say, she either knows he’s cheating on her and accepts it or she doesn’t have any clue but based on her posts, it’s not a healthy relationship anyway! Either way, the girl needs to get out. I even tried to anonymously comment on a post, hinting that she shouldn’t settle for this idiot, but my comment was conveniently deleted.
Just for kicks, this applies to Butthead Friend too. His girlfriend does not know me or my friends from a hole in the wall but thinks she knows us well enough to want to keep her boyfriend away from us. (You all know me, I always gotta throw in my two cents….)
(the royal they because I would never) talk about Britney, huh?
While Getting the Groceries, no for real, are you kidding me?”
Is it that we only know ourselves as well as the information we have access to or is it that we have all of the information we need and it’s up to us to face the music? What I mean to say is this…my first thought was that this woman blogger thinks of herself and her relationship a certain way based on the fact that she does not know how horribly he is treating her. It is what is causing me to dislike reading her blog. Although I have to believe that deep down she knows that this is not the guy for her and that her relationship isn’t as healthy as it should be…when is she going to face the facts? Therefore my second thought is that it’s not difficult to read her blog because she is ignorant to his bullsh!t but rather because she is admitting to his BS and is continuing to put herself in a position of disrespect. Whether she knows specifically about his infidelities or not, she knows that he has hurt her in other ways…face the music, baby girl, face the music. As frustrating as it is to read, I keep going back hoping that one of these days she’ll write about how she kicked his butt out the door!
It also made me think of myself and my blog. Do the people who have a narrow impression of me believe what I write about my life? The people I tell everything to should know what I say is legit but what about those people who only know me on a deeper level through this blog? In their eyes, does the real life version of Sassarella match up with the blog version of Sassarella? When I write that I’m feeling confident (or any emotional state of mind) in a situation, do people believe me? I don’t believe this girl simply based on the knowledge that I have of her boyfriend. How messed up is that?
Sassarella Says…I have two points to make in this post. The first is regarding those people who don’t know us very well but choose to make opinions about us anyway. For the most part I’d say to disregard their words of wisdom, however it can’t hurt to at least listen. The people who don’t know us very well see things with little to cloud their impressions. It’s like how people always say, “well you just can’t see it because you’re in it,” in that case it can’t hurt to at least hear what those outside perspectives are all about.
And the second point I have to make is regarding the opinions that we have of ourselves. I happen to be a person who is very in tune with my feelings and because of this blog I am always looking for the bigger picture of my experiences. That being said, I am a person who believes that when a thing, person, or experience feels and looks right on me then it does and if I get a vibe that it’s doesn’t, then it doesn’t. Of course situations aren’t always that cut and dry but the clues are there. Think about a past relationship, a previous job, or a fallen out friendship…it may have taken you awhile to see the damage but there were little clues along the way that spiked red flags in your mind.