1. Leaving a bar before it closes. Whether I’m in New Jersey at Sona, at Rhino or The Whale in DC, or out and about in New York City, it is incredibly difficult for me to leave a bar before last call. Well, actually let’s call a spade a spade, it is incredibly difficult for me to leave a bar before I’m being physically kicked out by the bouncers. In the case of Rhino, I’m not satisfied to leave unless I’ve helped clean up and every employee is on his or her way out. Of course, this habit is encouraged by my partner in crime, LAM, but no matter what I’m awful at leaving a bar before I’m being kicked out.
2. Pretending to give a sh!t about something I don’t give a flying flip about. In general, when a situation, conversation, or environment is boring me, I have a very hard time pretending that it is not. I can be quite the staunchy brat. I can’t pretend to have any interest in an issue, event, or cause that I’m not amused by. Luckily, when something does inspire me I can’t shut up about it but I’m absolutely awful at pretending to give a crap about something that I could care less about.
3. Keeping in touch with my family. I really don’t enjoy talking on the telephone so I lack the motivation to make those necessary phone calls. Are emails, Facebook messages, and texts personal enough in this lovely year of 2011? When it is just to say hello and ask how are ya, I’d say that they are acceptable forms of communication but that’s just me. If a family member calls me, I’ll call him or her back but I’m absolutely awful at contacting my family. I will try to be better.
5. Faking it when I’m really drunk. Guys, I’m sorry but I can guarantee that you’ve been tricked at least once in your life. We fake it sometimes, it happens. For whatever reason, women typically have a much harder time. You would think that it would be easier when I’m drunk but it’s not. First of all, if it’s lame I just get really tired and want to sleep off the vodka. And secondly, I’m very much less aware of how my lack of emotion/passion/interest could hurt your feelings. My intoxicated self cares way less about your feelings and is not afraid to just stop and roll over. If you think about it, why do we fake it? It doesn’t seem fair to us women. Are their poor wittle egos’ just too fragile? That’s a whole post in itself. Sorry, but I’m not sorry if you’ve been on the receiving end of my absolutely awful ability to fake it when I’m drunk.
10. Making decisions about food. As previously mentioned in #4, I have a food routine every night. Partly because it is a nice combination of carbs, salts, and sweets but also because it is so easy. Don’t ever ask me where I want to eat on a Saturday night because “I don’t know” or “I don’t care” will certainly be my response. Rarely do I crave certain types of foods so asking me what I’m in the mood for is a waste of time as well. On a well-behaved day, I eat lettuce and grilled chicken. I’m rarely going to choose any place other than one that serves that so go where you want to go and I’ll find something. I can tell you where I don’t want to eat but I’m absolutely awful at making a quick decision about a restaurant.
11. Hiding my enthusiasm when a good song comes on. “Oooo! Omg, I love this song. Ohhh mahhhh gawd!” And then I do this little dip thing with my knees and shoulders, might even snap a little bit or bob my head. I’ll immediately start to sing and sometimes close my eyes. I can’t sing very well but I’m absolutely awful at hiding my passion for music.
12. Playing mind games. Maybe I hate them because I suck at them but really, I just don’t understand them or the rules that go along with them. Sometimes I tell myself that I’m going to attempt to be more mysterious and aloof when it comes to men. I’ll want to make them suffer a little bit and wonder wtf is going on in my head…rawr…but who am I kidding, I’m absolutely awful at it.
13. Holding a grudge. I’d much rather hash things out and get them over with. Put it in the past or else my teeth will undoubtedly start to hurt. Sure, if you piss me off I can be the witchiest witch you’ve ever met but I’m absolutely awful at feeling that way forever.
Sassarella Says…you are who you are for better or worse. Accept that there are just some aspects of you that aren’t perfect. If you want to change and can work on those parts of you that are less than stellar, great, and if you can’t then c’est la vie! I hope you noticed that some items on my absolutely awful list are not things that I would consider to be absolutely awful at all…just sayin’. Check back for things that I’m absolutely awesome at.