So About Those Post Hook-Up Encounters: YIKES-A-BUNGA

I’m feeling Michael’s pain because as soon as I decide to get outta the game, the players are stalking me. Typical. Hot men are following me wherever I go; they are in the hallways, on the streets, at work, and even in my dreams. I can’t even get peace in my g.d. sleep! More specifically, previous hook-ups are haunting me. Post hook-up encounters…yikes-a-bunga! One instance was less than an encounter and more of a “pretend we don’t see each other” kind of thing. Story time: I was walking down the big hill to the cafeteria and he was walking up the hill. The street is pretty wide so we were a good distance apart but we both kinda looked down or around at other things as we passed each other. My curiosity got the best of me and I wanted to turn around and look just to make sure that it was him. I thought I had waited an appropriate amount of time before glancing back (figuring that if he wanted to glance back too that he would’ve done it already) as you can probably guess…I was wrong. BAM! We looked at the SAME time and then both quickly turned back around. So yeah that was awkward. This post hook-up encounter happened way too close to the original hook-up date – it is still an open wound and I threw salt right on it!

The other, and most recent encounter, happened last night in the library. I’ve seen him a few times in the last couple of weeks but never in close enough proximity to tell if he saw me too or close enough to talk but not last night. I was looking at him as he turned the corner, hoping to finally catch his eye and at least smile or wave, do something! I don’t want to ignore him I mean we exchanged saliva, people, come on! He looked at me so naturally I looked down, then felt super stoooopid for looking down, so I looked back up, he did a double take, and said, “Uhhh…OH! HEY!” I politely said hello and expected that to be the extent of it. Next thing I know he’s walking towards me and pops a squat at my table. What could he possibly have to say to me?! Anyway we chatted for a few minutes and the conversation was surprisingly pleasant and lacked the usual awkwardness.

Why? Partly because the hook-up happened long enough ago that the pressure was gone and partly because he’s just that kinda guy. He is a graduate student, a much older graduate student who has a boat load of life experiences that make him seem even older than he is…just take my word for it. Still, none of that changed the fact that I wish I looked a little bit hotter. I also wished that he looked a little less buff and sounded a little less smart (the smart thing is a mega turn on).

Are there unwritten rules about how the post hook-up encounter should go? Is there a certain acceptable script to follow? I think that all depends on who it is, how far ya went (oopsie), how many times you’ve bumped uglies, and how long ago the hook-up actually went down. For the sake of my family and friends who are undoubtedly judging me right now and for anyone born before the late 1980s or the early 90’s, to “hook-up” does not always mean sex. I’m just sayin’.

In general I’d say that my library meet up was a good model for success: Keep the conversation light (“How are you?”, “What are you studying?”, “What are your plans for the summer”) – don’t bring up the wild time you had especially if there’s a chance either of you are fuzzy on the details, don’t over-stay your welcome and lingering is a major no-no! (keep it quick, 5 minutes or so, tops!), and stay breezy (“Hi, it’s Monica. I’m just checking in because I got this message from you and I didn’t know if it was old or new or what. So, I’m just checkin’. So let me know, or don’t, whatever. I’m breezy!”) – saying you’re breezy negates the breezy! Seriously though, for guys and dolls, you want the other person to walk away still with the image of you as the cool, fun chick (or dude) he met at the bar a few weeks, months, days, hours ago….so just be nice damnit (“Good luck with your paper, it was good to see you” likewise, library man, likewise)

So while I have you here, another thing that’s been on my mind recently is why do we refer to the act of making a pass at someone as “to hit on a person”? I would hope that a guy would never actually hit me, right? So que paso? Getting hit on is a funny thing because it only comes across as a positive, non-creepy thing if the person doing the hitting on is successful. Think about it – if two guys hit on you using the same line, and you’re attracted to one but not the other, the one guy gets labeled as “the creeper who just hit on me won’t stop staring” and the other gets labeled as “the hottie who just bought me this drink”. Just food for thought.

This one time at band camp on New Year’s Eve Lauren and I bought two shots of vodka. They were HUGE shots and it seems silly now to think that we couldn’t finish them because we’re like totally seniors now but we couldn’t finish them. We had already had our eyes on two guys who were now standing just a few feet away from us – LIGHT BULB – give the rest of the shots to the guys as if we bought the shots for them! They didn’t know the difference and we both ended up going on several dates with each of them. Imagine the absolute disaster if their interest wasn’t mutual: “These two creepy girls bought us half shots and giggled the whole time”. YIKES-A-BUNGA.

About sasssays

The trials, the tribulations, and the triumphs of a sassy and sophisticated 20 something girl
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